GAH

I do not begrudge our secretary's absence-- she deserves it, and it's for something important. But given the fundamental instability of my sleep schedule, I've really come to rely on the ability to come in an hour late when I need to, or take a half-day on occasion. With her gone, that is more or less impossible. Which means that I'm all sorts of inconsistent at work.

Truly, need to see a sleep specialist. I'm being flustered by things that are totally not worth it.

Vocabulary funnies

Winner's of this year's Washington Post Neologism Contest, in which people supply alternate definitions for words:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.