Fifth, I think?
Nov. 18th, 2015 08:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kilroyFor resignation: Mistral
I've generally been thinking of this phase of my life as a temporary detour-- something that will pass in a little while and then I can get back to the life I had before.
This morning I am realizing that this is nonsense, and obviously so. My circumstances are forging me anew into some other person, and even when the fire has died the shape will remain. I will carry the marks of this for the rest of my life.
It's not an inherently bad thing; life is change. But the me that survives this won't want the same things-- won't be capable of the same things-- as the me that preceded it. There is no going back.
Since college I've thought of my life in regenerations: versions of myself that die and give way to new interpretations. I believe this will be my fifth. Today I recognize the change for what it is. I have no idea who I'm becoming, but it will be something new.
I've generally been thinking of this phase of my life as a temporary detour-- something that will pass in a little while and then I can get back to the life I had before.
This morning I am realizing that this is nonsense, and obviously so. My circumstances are forging me anew into some other person, and even when the fire has died the shape will remain. I will carry the marks of this for the rest of my life.
It's not an inherently bad thing; life is change. But the me that survives this won't want the same things-- won't be capable of the same things-- as the me that preceded it. There is no going back.
Since college I've thought of my life in regenerations: versions of myself that die and give way to new interpretations. I believe this will be my fifth. Today I recognize the change for what it is. I have no idea who I'm becoming, but it will be something new.