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kilroyDon and Joanna are leaving. They both are getting what are--for all intents and purposes--their dream jobs. I am insanely, crazily happy for both of them. Also very depressed for me; that's two more good friends that I get to consign to the photo album of fondly remembered history. They're both moving far away, and I'm lousy at keeping track of people... odds are good that I'll see either one of them no more times for the rest of my life than I can count on one hand.
Jennie's immediate response, of course, was "Well obviously this is a sign you should move too!" I was unable to respond to it appropriately at the time, but allow me to put that comment in perspective now. I like the job I'm currently doing; I suspect that as time passes I may enjoy it even more. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination (that's still writing or working in roleplaying), but it's good. I wouldn't mind sticking around here a few years.
(long parenthetical sub-note: although, to be fair, this morning I woke up and had the dreaded thought... "Is this all there is?", which seems a few years too early in the coming. I like my job but it doesn't give me that deep sense of satisfaction which is the foundation of the American middle class dream. I don't have any relationships I can devote my energy to. I don't really have any long-term goals at the moment. Hence the thought: right now I'm floating, and when will I be doing anything else?)
The point is that I lose either way. I've lost most of my good friends from this area over the years; and while I do still generate a small number of new ones, they don't make up for the loss of dear friends I've had for a third of my life. If I stay in town--and don't figure out some way to meet new people real fast like--I'm going to end up lonely and feeling useless... especially considering that I'm going to be living by myself next year. If I move away, I have the same problem; ain't no way I can move to a place with a built in group of friends... with one exception, and that situation is too socially complicated for me. So it looks like I'm going to be spending the next couple of years feeling lonely whatever I do.
And yes, I can be proactive, I can meet new people and try to find new places to belong. But I have to admit that that's hard work and I'm scared of it. That prospect isn't really comforting to me, especially now.
Right now I have to figure out a way to say goodbye to Don and Joanna. And it hurts a lot more than I was expecting.
Jennie's immediate response, of course, was "Well obviously this is a sign you should move too!" I was unable to respond to it appropriately at the time, but allow me to put that comment in perspective now. I like the job I'm currently doing; I suspect that as time passes I may enjoy it even more. It's not a dream job by any stretch of the imagination (that's still writing or working in roleplaying), but it's good. I wouldn't mind sticking around here a few years.
(long parenthetical sub-note: although, to be fair, this morning I woke up and had the dreaded thought... "Is this all there is?", which seems a few years too early in the coming. I like my job but it doesn't give me that deep sense of satisfaction which is the foundation of the American middle class dream. I don't have any relationships I can devote my energy to. I don't really have any long-term goals at the moment. Hence the thought: right now I'm floating, and when will I be doing anything else?)
The point is that I lose either way. I've lost most of my good friends from this area over the years; and while I do still generate a small number of new ones, they don't make up for the loss of dear friends I've had for a third of my life. If I stay in town--and don't figure out some way to meet new people real fast like--I'm going to end up lonely and feeling useless... especially considering that I'm going to be living by myself next year. If I move away, I have the same problem; ain't no way I can move to a place with a built in group of friends... with one exception, and that situation is too socially complicated for me. So it looks like I'm going to be spending the next couple of years feeling lonely whatever I do.
And yes, I can be proactive, I can meet new people and try to find new places to belong. But I have to admit that that's hard work and I'm scared of it. That prospect isn't really comforting to me, especially now.
Right now I have to figure out a way to say goodbye to Don and Joanna. And it hurts a lot more than I was expecting.