Nov. 18th, 2015

kilroy: (Default)
For resignation: Mistral

I've generally been thinking of this phase of my life as a temporary detour-- something that will pass in a little while and then I can get back to the life I had before.

This morning I am realizing that this is nonsense, and obviously so. My circumstances are forging me anew into some other person, and even when the fire has died the shape will remain. I will carry the marks of this for the rest of my life.

It's not an inherently bad thing; life is change. But the me that survives this won't want the same things-- won't be capable of the same things-- as the me that preceded it. There is no going back.

Since college I've thought of my life in regenerations: versions of myself that die and give way to new interpretations. I believe this will be my fifth. Today I recognize the change for what it is. I have no idea who I'm becoming, but it will be something new.

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